


I'll Give You All The Nails You Need

by ForrestKline



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-04
Updated: 2013-08-04
Packaged: 2017-12-22 11:05:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/912460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForrestKline/pseuds/ForrestKline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Mikey and Ray leave Frank and Gerard alone while they go on vacation, Frank's feelings or Gerard are forced to the surface once again but Frank has convinced himself that it could never happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Give You All The Nails You Need

**Author's Note:**

> Guys im sorry, I'm actually really terrible at summaries... I wrote this fic a very long time ago before I knew anything about good writing or imagery of any kind so I mean, it isn't exactly good or my favorite fic but, I needed something to post while im working on 'The very hurt you sold' so I hope you enjoy this~

"Well guys, we're off!"

 

Mikey's usual poker face was shattered and replaced with a euphoric grin- one that I hadn't see in, well, ever. I had really never seen Mikey so happy.

"Where are you guys going again?" Gerard asked, hugging them goodbye.

"Toronto!" Ray enthused, emulating Mikey's grin.

"Why again?" Gerard quarried, letting go of Ray.

"Don't you listen, Gee? To have sex!"

"Actually, motherfucker, we're going to spend time with Ray's family. His mother’s birthday is coming up soon," Interjected a very anxious Mikey.

"So go fuck then…"

"Frank-"

"We wouldn't want to delay your flight," Gerard saves the day, as always

"Oh yeah, our flight…" Ray, obviously uncomfortable with my accusations, glanced at the wall clock "It's getting pretty close."

"I guess we should get going, yeah?" Mikey was still pretty much beaming.

We said our goodbyes, hugged each other, and tried not to be too bummed out about the distance. This was our first time being apart after five months, crammed together in a tour bus, barely having enough room to breathe. They finally went off and left Gerard and I to fend for ourselves- and I wasn't complaining. Gee and I were best friends; no one was closer than the two of us.

 

He insisted that I didn't have to fly all the way back to New Jersey, just to fly all the way back here in a few weeks when our next tour starts. He asked me to stay with him.

“I would also love the company.” he said.I was secretly overjoyed.

“Oh yeah, sure… that sounds better. Uhm, thanks man.” I said. I was hoping that he would ask me to. I loved spending time with him and it seemed the feeling was mutual. It was a two bedroom house, and our rooms were side by side. I mean, technically there was only one bedroom, but he had put a bed in his office and moved everything over to accommodate me- which I was grateful for, but deemed unnecessary.

"What the fuck are we going to do with all of this free time, Frankie?"

"I don't know but I’m glad I’m spending it with my best bud." I punched him in the ribs and he grinned at me jovially.

"Awe sugar…" He said pulling my head to his chest and tousling my hair. There were very few things that I liked more than Gerard calling me 'sugar', and definitely nothing more than knowing I was the ONLY person he called that.  
Then, he produced the most beautiful words he could have said at that time.

"C'mon Frankie, I’ll take you to your favorite vegan restaurant."

"I love you so much," I gasped in awe.

"I love you too," He put his arms around my neck and we walked to his car.   
 

**********

  
Not only was this my favorite restaurant in the world, It was SAFE. I didn't run much of a risk of my meal being ruined because a mob of teenagers attacking me, requesting tattoos like I kept an extra kit in my backpack when I went on dates, not that that's what this _was_ a date or anything. It’s not that I don't love our fans, I adore them, we all do! It's just that…

"Frank Iero? Gerard Way?!"

Oh.

A girl sitting two tables away from us was grinning madly, flailing her arms about and practically hyperventilating, desperate to get our attention.

"You're from My Chemical Romance!"

Oh.

Well, shit.

Gerard reacted first, motioning for her to come over. I complemented that with a cheeky grin, and replicated her frantic waving jokingly.

 

Seriously, I really did love fans.

"I'm your _biggest_ fan!"   She jogged over and her parents shot us annoyed glances, obviously inconvenienced by her departure.

She gave us a synopsis of MCR 2001-2012, retelling hilarious stories that we have long since forgotten about, and being careful to avoid the not-so-glamorous points of our lives-thankfully. Then, she told us about her life, how our band saved her, how much she loved us. She asked all sorts of questions about Ray and Mikey, while pulling out various posters, artworks, and CD's for us to sign. I don't even know why she would just happen to be carrying all this stuff around with her.

"I knew you were vegetarian, Frankie, and there aren't many vegan restaurants around here. I was hoping that if I came here a lot, maybe I would finally meet you," she paused before adding "I just knew you would bring Gerard with you."

I guess that answered my question, I chuckled to myself silently and reengaged in the conversation at hand.  
She talked for a VERY long time, and just when we thought we should order her another chair…

"I know you're trying to enjoy your date," Date? "So thank you guys so much, you're my heroes, really. This was the best day of my life."

"You're welcome, we really appreciate your support!"

"Yeah, you guys are our heroes," Gee added gratefully, and I knew he meant it. We wouldn't be here without them and we wouldn't forget that.

"You guys are the best," The tears were already staining her face. I glanced up to ask if she was okay, but I noticed her parents getting up from the table behind her. Did they even order food?    
If looks could kill, her mother would be in cuffs.  
We got up, hugged her goodbye, and sat back down, but she still stood there with an expecting look on her face. I glanced at my watch quickly. We had been talking to her for 2 hours and 15 minutes and I _still_ haven't had my meal. I guess it didn't really matter, this was pretty cool. It always felt nice to know that we were making a difference and helping these kids.

"I know you've done so much already but, would you mind doing me a favor?"

"Sure, anything kid!" Gerard exclaimed.

"Can you guys, like, kiss? The way you did on stage that one time?"

"Well I don't-"

Before I could finish my sentence, Gerard took to my lips by force, sliding his tongue into my mouth. I gasped on impact and relaxed into it, resting my right hand on his shoulder and my left hand on his cheek. His arms were thrown around my shoulders. Only about 10 seconds into it, I realized that the girl was being dragged away by her seething parents, all the while screaming something unfamiliar that I may or may not have heard before. I don't know… I already had a headache.  
My lips caught Gerard's giggles and he pulled away chuckling, only laughing more when he realized that almost the whole restaurant was shooting us disapproving glances. They were probably not fond of our gay PDA.  
But _Gerard_ wasn't gay.

"What?"

"Frerard," He gasped still grinning.

"What the hell is that?"

"Nothing Frank, nothing."

"Hey Gerard, I'm pretty bushed, want to take this to go and have a movie night or something?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Gerard was actually still laughing as we walked over to the counter to order the food.

"Will it be an order of two black bean vegan burgers? They're the special today."

Gerard gave me a questioning glance to which I replied with a nod.

"Yes, thank you."

I slipped my hand into my pocket searching for my wallet, and Gerard placed his hand over mine.

"This ones on me, Frankie" He said leaning in to kiss my cheek.

We did have a movie night. We ended up knocked out, cuddling up on his couch. We were sporting pizza stained t-shirts and harry potter themed boxers, (ones that I always had a feeling Gee owned). I was Ravenclaw and he was Gryffindor- even though we argued that each other should have been Hufflepuff.

 

"Half-Blood Prince" provided background noise to our snoring. His face was buried in my neck, and our legs were intertwined. A blanket was thrown over our middles.

***********

We woke up almost the same as we slept. He was so beautiful in the morning, his lips split apart slightly, resting atop a little puddle of drool on my chest. It was adorable. I stroked his hair delicately, trying to avoid disrupting his sleep. I loved the way he felt and I could feel his heart beat on my abdomen. I loved how he took breaths, how his chest rose and fell, and how he still made slight movements like clenching his fists on my waist.  
I didn't want to move, ever. I wanted him to stay pressed against me while I felt him breathe.  
In that moment, I realized what I had been denying for years, that I was in love with him. That hit me like a blow to the chest. I bit back tears and decided that the best thing to do was to suck it up because I knew Gerard was straight. It was never confirmed, but it is obvious, and I didn't want to lose my best friend. I could deal with this, totally.  
I woke up Gee with a soft kiss to his forehead.  
"What time is it?" He mumbled, still face first on my chest.

"9:07 A.M."

"Fuck... Goodnight."

"I said _A.M._ "

 

"I know, goodnight."

Gerard turned his face over and began to fake snore, entirely unconvincingly. The next few minutes consisted of me stripping the blankets from him and harassing him awake. That included pinching his ears, pulling his hair (that didn't quite get the reaction I was expecting), and ticking him furiously. When I was finished, he was still lying on me, as if I hadn't just assaulted him.

"Fine! Fine! Whatever i'm up!" The tone seemed angry, but there was a hint of humor that you couldn't miss. I could see that he was trying really hard not to smile. "What do you want to do, anyway?"  
Oh, I hadn't really actually put much thought into _what_ I wanted to do with Gerard, I just knew that I wanted to do something with him.

"I don’t know, this was stupid."

He gave me a look and ignored my previous statement, "Frank?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's go to the park."

"The Park?"

"Yeah! It's fucking perfect weather out! We can get ice cream and take turns pushing each other on the swings and shit like that!"

Well, shit.  
The look on his face was just so excited that that there was no possible way that I could have said no. I mean, it's not that I didn't want to go- I would've love to. It's actually just... Wasn't this hard enough already without us playing 'teenage lovers' on the swings?

"I would love to!" I was hopeless.  
*********  
I will forever look at that day as the day everything changed.  
It was perfect, we basically sprinted to the park (too excited to warm the car) hand in hand, hair slapping at our faces from the force of the wind.  
We made flower crowns, placed them on each other’s heads, and deemed ourselves King and Queen. We sang without music and lay in the grass, watching the clouds. We described all of them as ‘Rays fro’. We laughed hysterically afterwards, even though it probably wasn't all that funny. We made it hilarious, though. We took turns pushing each other on the swings just like we said we would. We went to our respective ones and held hands while swinging, and then I straddled him on his, burying my face in his neck and holding on for dear life. We both screeched when he went too high too fast. We launched off the swing, laughing obnoxiously as we tumbled down the hill. He landed on top of me with a thud, knocking the wind out of me. My giggles became uncontrollable as he as he planted kisses over the eye he accidentally elbowed during our painful journey down the hill. We stayed in this position for hours; his left leg over mine, his head pressed against my arm as we studied the sky. We watched the sunset and counted the stars.

"You know what, Frankie?" He mumbled into my chest.

"What?"

"This is the best day of my life."

"Mine too, Gee."

It was. The night ended with me carrying him home and over the threshold, bridal style, and tucking him into bed. I peppered his face with tiny kisses. All of this may have meant nothing to him, but it meant a lot to me.  
He fell fast asleep, and I was a wreck. With that, I went to the bathroom and relapsed again.  
And again.  
And again, like I did almost every day, but this time I felt intense regret. Gerard would be so disappointed if he knew; he would probably never speak to me again. Just thinking about him made the regret it even more. I shouldn't have cared as much as I did. I thought about the pain and hopelessness that I felt whenever he touched or kissed me.  I bandaged myself up, regretting the person I've become.

Instead of going to my room, I went back to his bed and snuggled against his side, completely submerged under the plush comforter.

************

When I woke up the next day, he wasn't in bed. He wasn't even home. I scoured the house for him until I came across a note on the coffee maker, which he knew I would be using after a night like last night. I read it:  
'Hey, Frankie. Don't freak out that I’m not home (I'm hoping you don't wake up before I get back), I just wanted to surprise you with something special for when you wake up. We did have a pretty hectic night, and you ended up carrying me home. So, yeah! Brb Frankie! xoGee'  
As I read the last word, I heard a car door slam. I sprinted back to bed, leaving the note where it was, so it would look undisturbed. I yanked the covers over my head, trying to replicate my previous position. I heard the front door open and close softly. Gerard whispered my name, followed by a low 'yes!'  
I lay there completely still, fearing that my breathing would tip him off to the fact that a was wide awake.  
He opened the bedroom door slowly; I could hear him slipping off his boots as he set something down on our shared desk across from the foot of the bed.  
He carefully pulled the covers up at the side of the bed and slipped himself under them to lie next to me. The sudden exposure to light caused my eye to twitch slightly, but not enough for him to notice.

"Aw, Frankie" He cooed, pressing his lips to my cheek. I faked a sleepy groan and blinked my eyes open as he stroked my cheek. I stretched and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Guess what I brought you?" Gerard asked mischievously, giving me a wink. I didn't have to guess because I took one look at the bag and knew EXACTLY what he had brought me.

"No fucking way, Gee."

"Way!" He yanked the covers off of me and I rushed over to the table to retrieve my surprise.

"Gerard are you fucking serious? The only store that sells this is-"

"Two hours away? Yeah! You better enjoy it!"  
It was vegan ice-cream, the good kind… the expensive kind! It was my favorite ice-cream, but the store was two cities away, and I hadn't had it in years.

"You're amazing, thank you so much!" I crashed back down on the bed on top of him (forgetting to take the ice-cream) and squeezed him tightly. He grunted softly from the pressure and returned my hug before kissing my forehead. It was kind of a thing we did at that point. Gerard and I always kissed each other, not like lovers would kiss, but how people who really care about each other do. We usually exchange kisses on the forehead, nose or cheeks… sometimes a quick peck on the lips, even.

Hello, kiss.

 

Goodbye, kiss.

 

Thank you, kiss.

 

Goodnight, kiss.

 

My favorite show is on, kiss.

 

It was just a thing we did, I loved it.

"You're welcome!" He got up and grabbed the bags off of the desk. "Hey Frankie, do you have any spoons in your drawer?"

"No! Gerard you shouldn't-"

"Shouldn't what?" He opened my drawer anyway.

"Oh." He stopped, peering down into my drawer at my belongings. His face quickly evolved from elated, to confused, to horrified.

"What is it? What’s wrong?" Oh god if he had seen...

"Nothing,” The unevenness in his voice and the way he stuttered didn't let him come off convincingly. "I thought I saw a spider."

'Maybe I left it in the bathroom... Well that makes sense' I thought. I was mortified of spiders, and everyone who knew me at all knew to keep them away from me at all costs. As far as I was and am concerned, spiders are my arch nemeses.  
He brought the bag back to the bed and sat down beside me. I laughed and kissed his lips quickly, not willing to risk him rejecting it.  
I thanked him again, and without words, he pulled me into a deep hug that he didn't let me out of for about 10 minutes.

 

We enjoyed our ice-cream together, laughed about life, the band, our friends and everything in between. He confessed that he's never been so close to anyone, and that we had a 'brotherly bond'.  
 _Brotherly bond_.  
That day ended just like the last. I tucked him in, said I would be coming back soon… that I just needed to use the restroom and shower- something that I knew wouldn’t convince him tonight, since I had done just that a few days ago.  
I did have to use the restroom. I retrieved something from my bedroom, and went to my next destination.  
I didn't clean or wrap my wounds this time. I didn't have the energy. I sat on the edge of the tub and cried until I became light headed.  
************

"Frank?"

Shit.  
I stuffed the blade into a wad of tissue and stuffed that into a zip-lock bag, while I winced from the pain.

"Frank? Where are you?" The voice came closer.  
I wrapped my wrist in a damp towel and shoved my sleeve down.  
The door handle jiggled and I buried the small baggie in my back pocket.

"Just a minute, Gerard!" I exclaimed. I hastily wiped all traces of blood from the tiled floor and tossed the soiled towel into the trash bin.

“Is something the matter?" I unlocked the door and Gerard opened it before I could, already pulling me into another hug.

"I woke up and you weren't there. Jeez Frank, it's 4:00 A.M.!" He was speaking into my neck and his warm breath made me shiver.

"I just got up to use the restroom and I-" He pulled away and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"I'm not stupid." He was trying to keep his cool, but the hurt might as well have been painted on his face.  
Gee placed his hand on my wrist, lifting my sleeve up to my elbow. He removed the towel, exposing the torn flesh on my arm. He ran his thumb over the part of my wrist that wasn't cut all that badly, (just bruised and irritated) before lifting it to kiss all of the individual cuts- leaving a small stain of blood on his bottom lip.  
My voice was silenced by my guilt and shock.

"Wait right here" He whispered softly, and then he left the room for what felt like hours, but in reality was only about 30 seconds. When he returned, it was with a damp cloth and medical gauze.  
By my other arm, Gerard led me back to his room and sat me down on the bed. He used the cloth to remove all of the excess blood from my arm with extreme delicacy before wrapping the wounds and pulling the knot tied with his teeth.

"There! That should fix it!" He thoughtfully smiled up at me. I didn't deserve him.  
Tears were streaking down my face and he worked on wiping all of them away with the pads of his thumbs. He pulled me close and rested my cheek over his heart. I managed to choke out a string of apologies, hushed by Gerard's 'I love yous’ to which I always responded 'I love you too'  
A wave of comfort washed over me as he stroked my hair and sang me to sleep, his shirt stained with my tears.

**************

I woke up still pressed into him, laying face down on top of him. My waist was in between his thighs- this was actually a pretty compromising position. I didn't care, and he obviously didn't both since I was still in this position and he had fallen asleep last. He was sleeping beautifully, his lips slightly open, housing soft breaths. His hair was plastered against his face creating a beautiful contrast. I stroked his chest and traced little designs on it with my finger before scooting up to bury my face in his shoulder. His scent was intoxicating, he hadn't showered in days , so I don't even understand how that was possible. But it was.

"Good morning," He whispered almost incoherently and stroked my hair, just like last night.  
I can't say I knew what was going on, but I can say that I didn't care.  
I just knew that I loved him, I wouldn't worry about the undeniable fact that he probably was only into women.

 

"Good morning," I said, placing a kiss on his jaw. He stretched and his arms came back over me to pull me closer.

"I love you so much. I know it will take a while but I’m not rushing you. We'll get through this together! I promise!" He caressed my cheek and I knew he was sincere.

"I love you too Gerard" I whispered hoarsely "What would I do without you?"  
He grinned again and I scooted up more so our faces were just inches apart. I whispered that I loved him again, and he grabbed the back of my head, pulling me down into a kiss. As his lips moved against mine so wonderfully, the butterflies that burned in my stomach fluttered about hastily.

"Not as much as I love you," He whispered into my open mouth. We broke the kiss and I rested my face in his neck, my breath causing him to shiver.

****************

For quite a few days I wondered what that kiss meant. I mean, sure, this wasn't the first time we had kissed like that, but the others were on stage. Nothing that happened on stage could have been real for him, all wrapped up in adrenaline and high from the beauty of the performance. This was completely different, no audiences chanting, no blaring music, no adrenaline.  
Anyway, by this time Gerard had insisted that I sleep in the same room with him indefinitely, and I of course complied, happily.

"You ready for bed, Frankie?" Gerard stepped out of the bathroom sporting only a white towel around his waist. His hair fell unevenly on his head. This is probably the first shower he's taken in months because God knows he doesn't take them on tour.  
The reasons he insisted on my change in rooming was painfully obvious. I would no longer be able to make any more late night 'bathroom trips' by myself. He also checked my wrists every night, in fact, he made me strip down to my boxers and he checked _everything_.

"I'm ready, Gerard," I whispered, taken aback by his almost nakedness _right_ in front of me. I wasn't ready for that.

"Alright then," He said dropping his towel casually and walking over to the dresser beside me. I stared shamelessly, all but drooling over him. Even though he obviously noticed that I wasn't exactly keeping my eyes to myself, he still dressed at a normal pace, pulling his boxers, random slacks and one of my black flag tank tops on.  
He always stole my clothes these days.  
He giggled slightly. "What, Frank? Nothing you haven't seen before." His face suddenly became more serious as if he had remembered something horrible- he probably had.

"Take your clothes off."  He ordered smoothly, before adding a delicate "please". For a few seconds, I forgot how to speak.

"Frank?"

"Oh."  
I undressed to my boxers and this honestly had to be my favorite part of the day. It just made me so happy that he cared. He didn't have to, but he did. He went out of his way to make sure that I was okay, that felt really good. Honestly, no one had ever been there for me before.    
He took my hand and guided me over to the bed, pushing me onto my back carefully. He studied me, my body and my scars. He ran his fingers over all of them mumbling words of encouragement and kissing the ones that still hurt.

"I'm so proud of you, sugar," he said as he lay down next to me, I rolled on my side so we could be face to face.  
He stroked my scarred waist softly with his fingers and kissed my shoulder softly before pulling the covers over us. I pressed our noses together and gave him a smile- he looked so proud of me. A tear forced itself out and lined the bottom of my eyes, and he wiped it away with the pad of his thumb.

"Why are you crying?" I couldn't control the tears anymore.

"No no no Frank, what's wrong?" The concerned and loving look in his eyes gave my heart cramps. I didn't deserve him, this was all too much to handle.

"I can't do this, Gerard." I said pulling my face away from his, he promptly pulled it back and held it in place, and then a little bit closer.

"What can't you do? Tell me.” We were so close that I was speaking into his lips and his breath tickled mine.

"I can't."

"Frank..."

"...Yes?"

“You can trust me, with anything... And everything." I could smell his coffee-sweet cigarette stained breath.

"I know I can trust you, Gee, but this is just too much."

"What's too much?" His voice held its same softness, but became just a little more demanding.

"You have no idea how much I love you."  
I could tell this caught him off guard because his worry wrecked face softened and he gave me a peculiar look. Then, he gave me another smile and pressed his cheek against mine.

"Not nearly as much as I love you."

I didn't understand. It's like he told me everything and nothing all in the same sentence. He told me that he loved me, but not how he did; I figured it was now or never. If this all crashed and burned, at least I knew, and least I didn't have false hope. I would try my best to patch our relationship up later.

"How do you love me, Gee?" I put it as clearly and as blatantly as I could closing my eyes sharply because I wasn't not sure I wanted to see the look In his eyes if this all went wrong.

"What do you mean how do I- oh." This time he pulled back completely and when I opened my eyes I saw that he was giving me the same soul-seeing gaze. "More than I love myself."

"But what does that mean?" Every time I had to ask him to elaborate further the pain in my stomach grew more and more painful. Gerard looked a little more confused than he did hurt. He didn’t even look _that_ confused, and I didn't understand why.

"If you don't know by now..." His voice trailed off and he gripped my waist pulling me into a kiss that felt a lot different than any of our other ones. I saw his eyebrows furrow and his eyes flutter closed right before mine did the same. I knew this one meant what I wished it did, so I kissed back with all of my heart. My hand stroked his cheek as he deepened the kiss, urging our tongues together and evoking a small whimper to leave my throat. He climbed on top of me to straddle my hips and smoothed his bangs out of his face and behind his ear.

"Frankie, I really hope this answers your stupid question." He whispered this before leaning back down and cupping my face into his hands, reuniting our lips again.

I think I knew what it meant this time.

**Author's Note:**

> Well that was fun, here's hoping it wasn't too bad :) Comments are great, especially if they're con-crit or ideas for the fan fiction i'm working on (Or another one maybe?) Thanks guys, you're grand <3


End file.
